This offseason, I spent countless nights tossing and turning as I reflected back on the 2022 season. It may seem long ago to some, but for me, it’s a burden that haunts me every day. Where did I go wrong? How did I go from champ to chump in the span of one season? What would my hypothetical children think of me if they scoured the internet and found this low point in their father's life? Am I any good at this? Am I a good husband? Am I worthy of being commissioner? Well, luckily for me and the rest of you scumbags, there is another season upon us to prove your worth!
That’s right, the 2023 edition of the National Couch Athlete League is here!
The narratives that will weave themselves across this great league are about to unfold, starting with our upcoming draft scheduled for this weekend (Sunday, September 3rd at 12:00 PM PST). Jose will embark on his dynasty challenge with the 4th overall pick this season, while the rookie, Alex, will either bask in the honor or shoulder the curse of the 1st overall pick. Let's take a peek at how the rest of the draft lottery played out:
1st Alex (rookie)
2nd Mark
3rd Frank
4th Jose
5th Bert
6th Frank Jr.
7th Daddy
8th Quang
9th Jesse
10th Brad
Rule Changes
None. BUT, are there any rules you guys would like to see? We have 2 weeks until kickoff, if you have any suggestions we can always put them up for a vote.
League Name: National Couch Athlete League
Current Champ: Raider Nation (Jose)
Teams: 10
Entry Fee: $50
Pot: $500
Pay Out: 1st place $400 and 2nd place $100
Fantasy Client: ESPN
Basic Rules: Standard ESPN 1 PPR, Free Agent Auction ($100)
Playoffs:
- 14 regular season games
- Top 5 teams make it to the playoffs starting in Week 15
- Seeding tiebreaker: Points-for
Entry Fee
The entry fee is still $50, which is a bargain in this economy if you ask me. Don’t let inflation devalue that $50 any longer! Send in dues by the draft date to avoid being called a broke boi.
New Member
Speaking of bois, I have the pleasure (well, maybe not pleasure) of introducing the newest member of the National Couch Athlete League: Alex Lopez. He will be replacing Chipotle SteamingCleaver (Tyler) as our 15th different member to join this great league. Will Alex elevate the status of our league? Probably not; he's more of a futbol kind of guy. However, hopefully, he can prove me wrong and show us what he’s capable of. Here's a bit more about him: He once entered a high-heel punting contest called 'Punt in Pumps,' in which he placed 3rd. He believes that referees are the true stars of the NFL (his cellphone wallpaper is of Ed Hochuli). On his days off, he enjoys organizing his growing rock collection. Please give Alex a warm welcome.
I think that’s it for now, eager to see you guys on the virtual field soon.
Yours truly,
Commish Amedalhi