I don’t know where to begin. What’s the point of this newsletter? Why do we even play this stupid game if it’s all heartbreak and sorrow? Does it bring anyone any happiness? You guys know there will only be one winner this season, right? All but one of us will be crowned with the proverbial donkey ears of loserness! Yeah, I’m looking at you! The odds that you will win the league are slim! So why go through the pain? But maybe my therapist is right, “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise” - Ronald McDonald.
Game of the Week
After his massive week 1 victory, all eyes were on One Man Wolfpack wondering if he could build on that success. However, some unfortunate lineup choices led to his narrow defeat against Quanitovanchito this week, decided by a mere 7 points. Q was carried to victory by Saquon's explosive 27 point performance in his last game before a few weeks off to recover from an injury sustained on the final drive. With solid contributions across his roster, Q put up 137 points total. The game could have easily swung the other way though, if Wolfpack had started either Prescott or Lockett who were left on his bench.
Final Score: Quanitovanchito (137.78) to One Man Wolfpack (130.14)
Coach of the Week
I have no idea what Thee FrankTheTank is doing over there holding three QBs (including Tom Brady) and only one WR on his bench. But whatever his strategy is, it’s working. Frank Jr was the highest scoring team last week with 141 points and a squeaky clean record of 2-0. Maybe the Gen Z’er knows something we don’t know.
Beast of the Week
Your boy went in hard on waivers to pick up Puka Nacua and boy did he deliver. The stud broke a few NFL records for a rookie receiver as well as being the second highest fantasy scorer in Week 2 (only a point shy of K. Allen). He was the one shining star on my team, and he probably deserves a better fantasy manager, but Team I Touchdown There is happy to have him in his family of misfits.
Honorable Mention: K. Allen (31.1 pts)
Rant of the Week
FUCK RUNNING BACKS. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DIE? EVERY SINGLE RB IS ONE HIT AWAY FROM RUINING OUR FANTASY DREAMS! EVERY YEAR! ONE YEAR I DRAFT MCCAFFREY IN THE FIRST, HE DIES! THIS YEAR, I DRAFT CHUBB, DIES WEEK 2. ALSO, BACK IN MY DAY, AN RB1 WAS AN RB1. NOWADAYS, RB1 AND RB2 ON THE SAME TEAM ARE TREATED THE SAME BY SOME “OFFENSIVE COORDINATORS”. IN MADDEN I NEVER RUN MY RB2S BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING. IT’S THURSDAY AND I HAVE 5 RUNNING BACKS ON MY TRASH TEAM AND I DON’T KNOW WHO TO START. ALSO, FUCK NAJEE HARRIS (does anyone want to trade?)! RIP DOBBINS & CHUBB. BABY RIP TO SAQUON.
Trade Block
Want:
- Team I Touchdown There: looking for a win
Block
- Team I Touchdown There: Najee Harris
Week 3 Preview
There will be a showdown between Jose and Jesse this weekend, both undefeated. Jose looking to prove why he is a two time NCAL champion and Jesse looking to prove that last season was a rebuilding year.
Standings
1st: Jose (Raider Nation) 2-0
2nd: Frank Jr. (The FrankTheTank) 2-0
3rd: Jesse (Ninerscomn4You) 2-0
4th: Bert (One Man Wolfpack) 1-1
5th: Quang (Quanitovanchito) 1-1
6th: Frank (Thee Captain Raider) 1-1
7th: Alex (LazyKillz) 1-1
8th: Brad (Show Me Your TD’s) 0-2
9th: Amedalhi (I Touchdown There) 0-2
10th: Mark (Challenge Me) 0-2
F&$# You of the Week
- Frank
- Bert
- Jose